Up on the wrong side of the bed

July 2, 2008 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 2 Comments

So I’m rushing into work this morning, because some *asshole* scheduled a 9am concall the day after Canada Day.  Oh, wait. That asshole was me.  Anyway, after walking across a field to the bus stop and riding the bus all the way downtown (standing room only), I am walking through the mall when I feel something around the back of my knee…. IN my capri pants.  WTF?

As  I stand on the escalator, I reach down as discretely as possible, and feel around the back of my knee.  I can feel something lumpy.  Really Lumpy. Shit.

I get off the escalator, and gingerly walk around the corner, to what I hope is a less visible location where there is a bench and nobody else around, and I start fishing UP the leg of my capris… It is VERY hard to do this in a discrete way.  To my horror, I pull out a pair of white undies – just as a woman walks past and looks at me with a mixture of shock and amusement.  I guess they got caught up in there during their run in the drier?  Small consolation that they were clean – I hurriedly stuffed them in my purse, wondering how many people saw this weird bulge on the back of my leg and thought I had some kind of horrible tumor or something?  Thank God they didn’t fall out completely while I was walking through the mall, or worse, on the bus!  How I didn’t notice them earlier is a testimonial to how BAGGED I was this morning.

As soon as I got to work I made a conscious effort to immediately stuff the offending undies in a drawer at my desk. I had to take my team out to lunch and after the morning’s utter embarrassment, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to open my purse to pay, and pull out underwear instead of my wallet.