“Standards” or “unrealistic expectations”?
May 3, 2009 | Filed Under The Heartless Bitch Way | 5 Comments
I’m all for people having standards in a potential mate. Believe me, I don’t think anyone should ever feel like they have to ”settle” for less than the right person. But by “standards”, I mean things like, he/she has a job, is not a drug addict, has no history of mental illness, takes care of him/herself (i.e. is not a slob), has some life experience, shares the same values, etc…
But, as per the above list, I think ”standards” should apply to those things another person has CONTROL over. However, some people extend “standards” for a suitor to apply to all kinds of superficial things that another person has no control over, like height, appearance, hair colour, family background, race, etc. These people do themselves a disservice by excluding plenty of wonderful people via those exclusionary rules, and when questioned about the validity of such rules, they try to justify their biases by calling them “standards”, or worse, claiming they have no control over what turns them on.
I just don’t buy the whole, “I can’t change what/who I’m attracted to” line. Especially after reading Dr. Doidge’s “The Brain That Changes Itself“. We very much DO have the capacity to change what we believe, what we think, how we react, and what/who we are attracted to. We just have to have the WILL to want to change.
Email This Post
Leave a Comment
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
Categories
- Computers
- Fan Mail
- Lifestyles of the Heartlessly Bitchy
- Movie Reviews
- Music
- Parenting
- Politics
- Popculture
- Random Silliness
- Reader Responses
- Social idiocy
- The Heartless Bitch Way
- Uncategorized
- Work
Archives
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- June 2008
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
Subscribe
Although, I do believe you have to be attracted to your partner, attraction does not sustain a relationship. I agree with your article, and that so many people only base their standards on physical attraction, and look no further.
Personally, I base all my relationships (friends, lovers, employers, etc.) on similar values. I have to surround myself with like minded people to be happy. Otherwise, it is hard to sustain respect, which is crucial.
you took the words right out of my mouth.
I found when I have opened my mind. Removed “standards” like gender, race and class. My love life was infinitely a lot better. As for mental illness? that’s subjective. Because ones neuroses and quirks does not make for illness.
A history of mental illness isn’t something a person has “control” over either. But mental illness can be treated, recovered from, or lived with in many cases and with a lot of hard work. It’s not always easy, true. But please don’t discount us as potential friendships or even partners because of an illness that may have been in someone’s past, or even that they currently cope with.
I do love Heartless Bitches though. Been enjoying it for years!
Thanks Jennie for having said what I’d already clicked on the comments link to say, but I wanted to reiterate it.
Mental illness is not in itself a bar to an adult and thoroughly fulfilling relationship.
On the other hand, I’d like to also make the point that it is possible to be mentally ill *and* a bastard. If you’re interested in the story behind that one it’s in the final post on my (now closed) blog at http://ascarletwoman.blogspot.com/
Don’t discount a person just because he or she might have been, or still be mentally ill. But don’t take every word they say as gospel either. I learned that one to my cost.