Never mind the diamond ring. Never mind the roses and chocolates.

If a guy doesnt pick up after himself, dont fuck him and dont marry him.

If he suddenly turns into a dissociated oblivious slob after you marry him, dump him. And..wait and see if he remains diligent in doing his share of the household KP for two years before spawning a kid.

I confess I chose not to marry. I am a mess at personal housekeeping, and I am a woman. And I knew I’d never tolerate the noise, lack of rest and the gender role shit that too often kicks in after marriage–and knew I wouldnt have the energy to deal with kids, plus a husband who might, with no warning revert to being a kid after getting hitched.

I watched what my mother went through and decided, no thank you.

And.. being a parent is a job in its own right. I knew I did not have the temperament and stamina for it, and sensed even 20 years ago, that there is little if any social support for mothers and children–by social support, I mean media influences instill wisdom and kindness, and are not instrusive and not designed to foster greed, extract money and support ignorance.

Parents, even good ones who back each other up at home, are forced to swim uphill against marketing that exploits nagging children and tired parents, decreased earning power, and long commutes.

The biggest threat to family life is economics and sheer exhaustion which leaves people too tired to combat sexism and unjust social and familial arrangements.

A full seven to eight hours of sleep is, IMO a human right and a medical necessity and working women, especially mothers, run short on sleep. When tired one lacks energy to set limits on lazy spouses and nagging children.

Your lame attempt at a sexist remark aside, you are right in that I mistakenly expected someone to change and grow up simply because I had – we met when I was 18 and married at 21, and people change a lot when they have kids. Or at least some people do. That being said, I don’t confuse lack of experience with stupidity, and neither should you.

Cari put up with far more than I would EVER have.

I also agree that there ARE guys out there who really do understand what being an equal partner is all about. I currently live with one. But if you think guys like him are the norm, you are sadly mistaken.

Srsly, I agree with beth. I’m sorry you married a douche, but hey, that was your call. My mom had two brain surgeries and went blind, and my dad cared for us, her, and kept building the company he started to pay for it all cause mom couldn’t do anything, let alone her well-paying professional job. She recovered a lot, and eventually took over much of the homemaking duties they originally divided that he took on when she got sick. Again, sorry you bet on a lame horse, but again, that was your call.

The problem here isn’t the men, it’s a generation of women raised on Disney notions of transformative love, men rescuing women to complete them, and that whole bag. You want men who take action, responsibility, and an equal role? They’re out there, they’re just looking for the same thing. You loved him when he was lazy, why should he change? HE’S getting what he wants, you weren’t bright enough to find someone to give you what you want. It may be his fault for being lazy, but it’s your fault that you thought you could bring him ’round to sharing the load.

Hope I can be half the father my dad was, now I’ve got some dishes to unload.

I did work it out. It’s called a divorce.

And if this problem weren’t so prevalent – if I were the only one experiencing it – I wouldn’t be writing about it.

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1044971522691_100///?hub=Canada

Yes, MOST men aren’t contributing equally in household chores. Still. And I have no qualms about not being “nice” in my presentation of the facts.
What part of Heartless Bitches International did you not get?